ISSUE 10: NOT DRINKING THIS HOLIDAY SEASON? 10 TACTICS FOR DISTRACTION.
Reasonable things to do when people can't accept you're not drinking.
Issue 10!! Wow!!! Thank you all for being here.
In honor of this milestone, this week is going to be a little humor piece for you all, specifically for the people who don’t feel like drinking alcohol or want to cut back this holiday season (the sober curious movement is growing, after all).
To give you a sneak peak of future issues, here’s what you have to look forward to: my experience with functional medicine and getting to the root of my health issues, an interview with an iconic woman on how beauty and wellness have changed over the years, and an in-depth look at Human Design with another specialist interview!!!
I’m looking forward to sharing that with you all. If you’re new here, don’t forget to subscribe or consider a paid subscription.
Let’s get into it!
10 DISTRACTION TACTICS TO USE WHEN YOU’RE NOT DRINKING THIS HOLIDAY SEASON
Incredibly reasonable things to do when people can’t accept that you just don’t feel like drinking right now
As someone who’s opted to not drink alcohol for the last few years, I am verrrrry familiar with the most annoying thing that happens when you decide not to drink, and that is people asking you why you are not drinking.
TLDR on that: if they’re asking you why you’re not drinking, it’s more about them feeling weird about you not drinking than the act of you not drinking.
However, “I just don’t feel like it” doesn’t always work with your prying colleague or aunt who just got divorced again. If you need to get more creative, here are 10 reasonable tactics to distract from the fact that you’re not drinking at a holiday party:
Dress up as a very-convincing Santa and tell everyone at the party that you can’t drink and fly.
(Again).
Bring the Rat King from the Nutcracker as your date.
Let him tell everybody his tyrannical political viewpoints on the kingdom. Then, feed him brie cheese so he gets way too jacked, punches a hole in the wall, and you have an excuse to leave.
Guide the conversation to take place under mistletoe.
If they ask why you’re not drinking, that’s when you give ‘em a big ol’ holiday smooch. I don’t care if it’s your boss!
Ride around on your nephew’s train set.
Inform him that train travel produces less carbon emissions than traveling by car or plane, but it's already too late for his generation, and he will likely perish in a climate-related catastrophe in a few decades. You get off the train and ask him to teach you a TikTok dance.
Say you prefer your eggnog straight up.
Then, crack a raw egg straight into your mouth. Swallow immediately. Continue making eye contact until the other person leaves.
Tell the person you’re talking to that you’re actually their Ghost of Christmas Past and have a message for them.
The message is to stop being nosy about your choice to not drink.
Climb onto the roof and slide down the chimney.
Naked!
You tell every child at the party that Santa isn’t real.
That’ll keep their parents busy, so they won’t keep asking you why you’re not drinking!
Give your relative a gift that takes their breath away
But it’s actually their tax return from last year with several questionable expenses circled in red glittery gel pen.
Re-enact Mary giving birth to Jesus.
Go spread eagle at the end of the Christmas buffet next to the stuffed mushroom caps, scream every expletive you know, and then finally, hold the Christmas roast beef up against your bare chest while you coo the little guy to sleep.
That’s all for this week! Short and sweet. Will you use any distraction tactics above this holiday season? Let me know your faves or other ideas!
See you next week!
LJ